I’m hoping to journal regularly here about the daily joys and struggles associated with a life of submission to a loving dominant partner. In my case, I have been lucky enough to have a wife who honors my submission by allowing me to serve and obey her in any way she desires.
While each day is a new challenge, I can honestly say that we are in a better place in our D/s relationship than we ever have been. We have a relationship agreement that we adhere to, I am now in my 5th day of enforced chastity, and we are both growing in our confidence as leader and follower.
It took me many years to realize what I was – a submissive – and many more years to even start the journey to becoming a good one. Because of my strict religious childhood, I had no words for my desires and no acknowledgement of my sexuality until I was an adult. Yet, from the time I was very little, I had unexplained urges to be dominated, to be a slave, to be in bondage, and to serve.
I realized what those desires were at 18 and started self-exploration at 20. I regularly engaged in self-bondage and read about BDSM online. But each period of exploration was met with self-loathing and “purging” any BDSM materials.
I tried to change myself when I was married to fit the mold of a good Christian leader-husband. My wife showed and interest in domination and submission, so we tried to force me to be dominant and her submissive in accordance with our religious expectations for each other. We quickly realized that wasn’t working, and we also became less and less influenced by the strict norms of Christianity.
It still was far from smooth. I tried to submit by topping from the bottom in a huge way. I tried to create my perfect Domme and control how my wife led. This led to many heartbreaks and many dissolutions of our dynamic, sometimes because I just decided I wasn’t interested anymore or was overtaken by guilt.
I am so fortunate that my wife gave me another opportunity, on her terms, to craft our D/s relationship. We have still had bumps along the way, but we are both growing and loving our relationship and each other more than ever before.
The love of my life is both my wife and my Domme, and I want every day to reflect the immense respect and affection I have for her through my obedience, honor, service, and worship of her in our life together.