Feelings Wheel

I wasn’t raised to keep my feelings to myself. I was raised to smother them, deny them, and feel guilt that I had them. This was communicated to me both explicitly and implicitly by parents who never learned to function in a truly healthy way and religious teachings that emotions were evil or demonstrate a lack of self-control, discipline, or trust in god. 

As a result, I’ve never been in touch with my feelings and often denied I had any. This obviously caused issues being in an intimate relationship, especially one with the incorporation of BDSM and D/s. In my opinion, communication is the most important element of a healthy D/s relationship. It’s easy to see then how we had many issues with my communicating my needs, my feelings, or what I wanted from her or even from myself.

To help me identify my feelings and grow in my emotional expression and recognition, my therapist gave me a feelings wheel like the one pictured. It’s been really helpful and I think is probably helpful even without having existing communication issues. It’s been nice/weird/scary/intimate working to be self-reflective in how I feel, what I desire, and how to communicate it. It’s early, but I’m hopeful. 

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5 thoughts on “Feelings Wheel

  1. I spent most of my life wearing some serious armor due to my demons of the past, stripping that away was scary as h3ll at times but it was well worth it!

    I have a site dedicated to working through those thoughts and actions of the past and it seems to help identify and then deal with whatever it is I had pushed way deep down! Sending some of that same positive energy your way!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Communication is absolutely key to a good relationship, with our without D/s, but especially with it. Funny, after I read your first sentence of this post my thought was, “probably raised in a religious household, maybe Catholic.” Religions want you to suppress feelings because they lead to questions which lead to knowledge. All of which are counter productive to continuing to believe what they are feeding you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re right about religion. It does discourage freedom of thought and feelings. My background wasn’t Catholic. It was fundamental baptist with some other extremely conservative cultish influences thrown in. It’s always a process to drain all of that out of my system.

      Like

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